I've Got Time
by Karretje
Summary: Their weddingday doesn't go as planned. What will happen and how will the team cope with the changes. - A different version from the series finale, it's intense and full of anxiety but at times beautiful - CHAPTER 5 IS UP!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, welcome to my new story! I am really nervous about this one, I don't know how you will react. I'm just going to ask you guys to have faith in me. It is a really good story, so at least give me a change and read the first three chapters, you will love the story after that for sure. One more important thing. The first chapter takes place during the series finale. But I am making my own event out of it. So after the wedding I will use material from the show and make my own story. The most important thing to remember is that there is no city mayhem in my story. Further on, Natalie is there at the wedding, because I simply believe she should and I made Sam's father a bit more human and friendlier as in my other story, just like he was in the show at the end. Okay, well enjoy... I guess...**

* * *

"_Julianna Callaghan, I vow to be true, always, to give you all myself, no secrets, and till death parts us, and even after, cause I've been yours since the first day I saw you and made a fool of myself, cause I knew, right away I knew that it was you or no one, although you didn't know it yet and I had to be patient. I was right, I'm just saying."_

"_Samuel Braddock, I vow to always be yours… I tried to think of words, but there are so many, there are so many words, so I vow, to you, this, *kissing and clapping*." _

* * *

This morning had been one she could only have dreamed of for a very long time. And then after the entire struggle they had been through, there they were, giving their vows to the other. It was perfect with all their friends and family together and her husbands hand in hers. Husband, she really loved the sound of that. It made her feel secure and safe. The baby news had a big effect on the guests and they clearly didn't saw that one coming. But it was amazing to receive the hugs and the best wishes from everyone, they were so happy for the newly weds.

The afternoon was hard though. Because Sam really wanted his father to be there, they didn't really have a choice regarding the date. He was between tours and would fly back to Afghanistan after the weekend. Sam and his father hadn't been close for a long time, but lately things changed a little bit and she knew that it was important to Sam. Not that she liked the General very much, but he wasn't a bad guy. Just not a role model father type, but he really had tried to be better in the last year and started to support Sam's decision to be a police officer. Even though it was only a beginning, he still preferred Sam to have a position in the military. But because it was kind of a last minute wedding and with only one available date, they had a shift to get trough between the ceremony and reception later that day. They would get through it; she only had to focus a bit more on the job than on her husband.

Soon after arriving at HQ they got a bomb report at the 9-1-1 Emergency Centre. A woman working there had found a bomb with 40 minutes on the ticker. They had raced over there and Spike had been able to show his skills and defuse it with 18 minutes left. It took him 15 minutes to get there and 7 to defuse the bomb. Apparently because the bomb needed to reach a certain temperature before he could safely defuse it. Within the next hour she and the boss found a possible subject and went to his house to find more information, while Sam, Ed, Spike and Leah drove to the man's workplace. He was a scientist who had access to all the material and also the capability to build a bomb like this. She wasn't sure about his motivation, but it might have something to do with him being 'Let go" of his job due to economize cuts. All over Canada people are losing jobs due to this and she knows that sometimes that will be enough to set someone off. But why he chooses the 9-1-1 Emergency Centre was still a mystery. He wasn't home though, so they went in on force. And soon it was clear that they had the right subject in vision.

"Sarge, look at this." Jules called her boss over.

"What do you've got, Jules?" Greg came to stand next to her and she showed him books about building bombs with highlighted paragraphs.

"He clearly had interest in building bombs, but that's not all of it. I have found his notebook and he mentioned the Emergency Centre in it as first location. I think he is planning more bombs." Jules informed her boss. Right now she knew this was going to be a long day and having more bombs around the city made her very nervous.

"Ed, there might be more bombs. How are things over there at his office?" Greg asked his teamleader.

"He is not here and according to his colleagues he hasn't been here all day. We are checking out his office right now." Ed replied immediately.

"Okay, search for notebooks or anything like that. We have one here that mentioned the location of the first bomb, which probably means that there are more." Greg informed them all. Two minutes later it was Leah who came with the required information.

"Boss, what are the coordinates of the Emergency Centre?" She asked through the radio, but it was Spike who stood right next to her that answered.

"43°42′N 79°24′W." Spike answered her. "The exact coordinates as he wrote as first on this paper." Spike's voice came out soft as if he was reading something, but after a few seconds it changed into a dead serious tone.

"Boss, there are four other coordinates on that paper, I'm checking them now and they are all public buildings, two office buildings, a post office and a library. I will send you the locations." Spike informed him.

"Ed get there now, I will inform uni's to start clear the building. Spike do you think you will be able to guide the others through the process? You said it was very simple as long as you knew what to do." Greg asked his bomb specialist. He didn't like it that his other teammates would be defusing bombs but there was no other option.

"If there is enough time than it won't be a problem." Spike answered.

Jules could hear that they were already running to their vehicles as he was breathing heavier.

"Jules, I will head over to Spike's location in case he needs support defusing a bomb and guiding the rest through it. When you are ready here I want you to go to his office and talk with his colleagues, I want to find this guy." Greg ordered her.

She walked through the house, but there was not much Intel on his motivation or his whereabouts. While she did so, she listened to the conversations of her teammates. Sam took the first coordinate, which was an office building. It made her nervous that he was heading over to yet another bomb, but she knew that was their job and decided to switch back to her channel, which she shared only with the Sarge. Listening to Sam heading over there was distracting her and for everyone's safety she couldn't be distracted right now. After about 10 minutes she stepped back into her SUV and headed over to the man's office.

"Winnie, did you find relatives?" Jules asked the dispatcher.

"I have one sister on file which I tried to reach but no luck so far. Parents passed away and no other relatives known." Winnie informed her.

"Thanks Winnie." Jules replied back.

"Boss, the subject has one sister, but Winnie has not been able to reach her. I did not found any evidence that this man has any friends or social life. No pictures, address book, agenda or anything. He didn't kept memories around either. Everything in his house had a functional reason. He doesn't even own a TV." Jules informed her boss. But while she was giving him the information she noticed he was scared.

"Jules, go back to channel three. Now, it's Sam." Was all he said to her and it felt like her heart stopped beating.

"Sam, what's going on?" She asked through the radio. Tears were not far away.

"I've got time." His reply came. He was obviously focussing on the bomb.

"Sam, no you do not." She heard Spike telling him with an urgent voice.

"Sam, do you need to get out of there?" Jules asked him.

"It's working, I've got this." He replied to everyone on the radio, still all focussed.

"Sam!" Jules yelled a bit louder to him now.

"It's working, temperature is going down. It's minus 35 degrees." He only replied back.

"SAM, you drop your tools right now and you get yourself out of there, RIGHT NOW!" Spike screamed through the radio. His voice sounded so scared.

"Come on." Came a soft whisper from Sam.

"Sam, listen to him." Jules begged her husband.

"Minus 38 degrees." Sam informed them on the process.

"Sam, you listen to him." Jules begged him again, her voice full of tears and angst.

"It's almost there." Sam told everyone.

"Sam, we will not loose each other today." The pain in Jules voice was really noticeable right now.

"SAM, GET OUT, GET OUT! GO!" Spike continued screaming.

"Go, go, go." Leah whispered softly to herself.

"Sam! Get out of there now!" Jules screamed at him in desperation.

"Get out SAM!" Spike screamed once more, while a look on his watch told him that there were 8 seconds left. 8 long seconds with no response from Sam. 8 silent seconds followed by a loud thud and then followed by permanent silence, silence from a broken radio.

"SAM!" Jules screamed once more before realisation hit and tears came down her face. She heard the loud and painful breathing from her boss and Ed's desperate tries to hear Sam.

"Sam, talk to me." He called through the radio. "Sam, TALK to me." He asked once more but there was nothing on the other end. Jules couldn't breath, it was like something pressed on her chest and she was suffocating. She felt her heartbeat thumping so loud that she hardly heard the words from her boss, words that needed to be said.

"Okay team, team I need you to hear me right now. I need you to keep safe. Spike, Spike you listen to me right, we still need you, we all do. And whatever happened, you need to keep going. You hear me? You keep going. You all do." He told his team, but his own pain and his own emotions were lingering in those words. Spike's panting and Ed and Leah's painful confirmations came through before Jules lost it. While she kept driving she sobbed for her lost, she fought against the pain going through her body but it was taking her completely over. She didn't hear her boss calling for her; she didn't hear him begging to pull over and to tell him her location. She didn't hear the team continuing their job because life was still at stake. Nothing of that she heard. Finally she pulled over at an open parking spot and with her arms around the steering wheel and her face in it she let the sobbing take over her as well. Her body was shaking and everything hurt, especially her heart. Something was broken now and nothing could ever repair it. After a while she stopped crying and it felt like she stopped living at the same time. Voices came to her and she realised that the rest of the team had done it. Three bombs were defused, just that one bomb wasn't. The one that took her husband away in its blast, her husband for six hours.

* * *

Greg had never felt so lost. He had told his team to do what was needed, but he felt like he couldn't do it himself. How could he ask this from his team? But they had to focus and get the job done. There was no time to replace them with another team. And he needed to keep doing his job as well. He was sitting in his car in the parking lot of the evacuated library. Spike was inside guiding the team to defuse their bombs. Considering the situation he did well to get himself together and do his job. So Greg didn't want to go inside and distract him from doing it. He though of Sam but there was nothing he could do now. But Jules was still out there and not listening to him calling for her. He heard her losing her control and didn't want her to be alone on the road.

"Winnie." He quietly called for his dispatcher. He heard her scraping her voice before she answered him. She off course had heard everything and was struggling as well.

"Yes, boss?" Came a strained voice from the dispatcher.

"I need to know how that building looks like. If there is anything left from it, survivors, anything." He asked her. He knew it wasn't much of a question but his own silent prayer that Sam survived. But all logic told him was that he couldn't have survived. Even if the building was still standing and everyone else who weren't evacuated yet survived, a man standing next to the bomb simply couldn't.

"I'm on it sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?" She asked him.

"Yes, have team 4 ready and informed. As soon as the bombs are defused I want them to take it over, we will be heading to HQ then. And track Jules cellphone so I can pick her up." He asked her.

"Yes sir." She replied while sending Jules location to his cellphone. He drove off to the location while keeping his ears open to the conversation between Spike, Ed and Leah and trying to block out the painful sobs from Jules. But before he arrived she stopped and was completely silent. In the mean time he received from Spike first and then Ed and Leah that the bombs were defused.

"Good job guys, I want you to leave it to team 4 now and meet me at HQ." Was all he said, no words left. A soft copy came from his three team members, before he parked the car behind Jules.

* * *

Ed picked Spike up on his way back to HQ. Leah had the other SUV with her. Spike stepped into the car and didn't say a word or would even look at his teamleader. The ride to HQ was in silence and when they arrived Leah was already there. She was sitting in full uniform in the briefing room staring into nothing. Winnie was behind her desk handing information via the radio to team 4. Ed took place at the table as well while Spike took a stand against the wall, face away from everyone. Ed wasn't sure if he should say anything, but even if he should have he just couldn't. He couldn't think about Sam, or Jules, or this whole situation. Not without the walls around him breaking. So he kept staring at his remaining team, while they all waited for the boss and Jules to return. After a little while he heard footsteps in the hallway and turned around to see Donna walk in. Her shift was over and she was dressed in an evening gown. Ready for a party, ready for Sam and Jules party, he thought to himself. She didn't know it, he noticed from her face. But her face showed concern. He really didn't want to tell her, because that meant that he had to think about it, but someone should and he knew that someone was he.

"Ed, what happened?" She asked carefully and her voice was full of concern.

Ed looked at Spike and Leah and stood up to guide Donna out of the briefing room, just so they didn't need to hear it again. Outside the briefing room he leaned into the wall and stared for a second into her eyes before he turned away. He felt the tears burn inside and started to shake his head, a signal that almost said enough.

"Who?" Was the only thing Donna could say and when Ed looked at her again he saw that her face had turned pale.

"Sam." He said, and with that the first tears came down. His knees felt like breaking under him and he wanted to sink to the ground. But two pair of footsteps told him to be strong, strong for Jules and he recompose himself just in time. Greg and Jules walked down the hall and Jules walked past him to run into the girl's locker room. She didn't look like the Jules he knew. Suddenly she was a lot smaller and so much more vulnerable. Greg looked at him and then at Donna.

"Donna, can you stay for a moment, we can use your help." He asked her and Donna nodded. Tears were in her eyes and she looked like she couldn't speak, not yet.

"Come Eddie." He pointed Ed back into the briefing room and they all took place at a chair, except for Spike, who was still leaning at the wall with his back turned to the others.

* * *

"We did everything we could for Sam, okay. But right now we need to be there for Jules and their family before we can all go home and deal with this. We need to be strong for a little while longer." He told his team.

"At this moment their family is already at the reception, so I want to go over there and talk to Sam's parents there and to make sure they will get to their hotel safely. But we also need to talk to Jules father and brothers in private and the then the rest of the guests. Ed, can you call Sophie to pick up Jules and take her home with her. Jules shouldn't be at her place right now. Leah, I want you to go with them and keep an eye on Jules." Greg said. Leah nodded her yes and she tried to recompose herself a bit.

"Ed, Spike and Donna, I want you guys to come with me. Spike, while I talk to Sam's parents and sister, you can maybe talk to Jules father and brothers. You have met them before and they would like to hear it from you I think. Ed and Donna, Wordy is already there, so inform him and with his help I want you to talk to the other guests. Stay around until everyone has gone and got the needed assistance. Make sure everyone gets home safely." He said. It hurt him to talk about Sam and his family. When he said the name it felt like his heart skipped a few beats. Just before he walked over to Jules SUV, Winnie informed him that there wasn't much left of the building and with that every last hope that Sam was still alive shattered in millions of pieces. He wanted to go home and get drunk and never open his eyes again, but he couldn't. He had a responsibility to his team and his family at home. But his team wasn't complete anymore and he lost another member. But this was different, Sam wasn't just a member, Sam was so much more. Before tears started to well he shoved that thought far away and concentrated on the things he could do.

**A/N: So please don't hate me! I know it is very sad, I cried while writing and rereading it. Next chapter is sad too, but also very beautiful. Chapter 3 will be this day from Sam's point of view and you will understand him. There will be more chapters after that. Please don't put voodoo on me, I really love Sam too! But you can let me know what you thought of the chapter. The more reviews the sooner the update.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm so amazed by all your reviews! Thanks so much! I had expected more hate messages, haha. I was really nervous about it. I know I'm being evil, I really do love Sam too. So for the people who aren't sure yet wether you like this story, please read at least my next chapter, Sam is going to explain to you guys why he did the things he did. You owe it to him :) For this chapter I would like to give you an advice: Get tissues ready, you will need them. It's sad but also beautiful. Enjoy!**

* * *

Wordy was just looking at the time on his phone, wondering how long it would be before the happy couple would arrive, when his phone started to ring. The music was already playing to keep the guests happy, so he walked away from Shelly and Sophie to answer Ed's call. He was probable telling him that they were on their way.

"Hey Ed, are you guys on your way?" He asked his friend. It took a moment before his friend talked back and along with the sigh that escaped Ed's throat before he said anything, told Wordy that something was wrong, really wrong.

"It's bad, Wordy. It's bad." Came Ed's strained voice through the phone. Wordy hold his breath waiting for the news he didn't want to hear.

"It's Sam. There was a bomb and he couldn't get away on time." Ed said. Wordy fought to find words, words that could comfort him, comfort his friend but there weren't any.

"What can I do?" Was all he could ask.

"Can you tell Sophie and ask her to pick up Jules and Leah at HQ. She can drive them to our house and stay there. I can't tell her right now. We are on our way to you and Greg will talk to Sam's parents. Can you help me to talk to the other guests?" Ed asked and Wordy never before heard so much pain in his voice.

"Okay, and I will let Shelly take his parents into a private room, she will be able to not give away the reason behind it. I will wait for you in the lobby." He told his friend and with that he hung up and walked back to his wife and Sophie. While he was on his phone they got company from Clark and Dean and he told the four of them what had happened. Sophie took off straight away and Shelly went over to Sam's parents and sister to bring them to a waiting room, probably thinking that their son would want to talk to them before the evening started. She also brought Jules father and brothers to a private room. Clark and Dean stayed with the rest of the guests while Wordy was waiting for his friends to come.

* * *

"Mr. and Mrs. Braddock." Greg greeted them kindly when he walked into to small room. "Hi Natalie." He addressed her to. He knew he didn't need to say much more, his own face expression said more then enough, but he also knew that the words needed to be said. People often went into denial and needed to hear it even though they already know. He sat down in front of them and addressed General Braddock, simply because his face showed the least emotion, making it easier for Greg.

"We had a tough call today, we were dealing with multiple bombs. Unfortunately we couldn't prevent one bomb from going off." He told them and gave them a moment to realise what he had said so far.

"Sam was standing near that bomb." Greg continued and he heard Natalie sobbing and Mrs. Braddock gasping for air. He kept addressing Mr. Braddock though.

"Sam didn't make." He finally said the words that couldn't be denied. And those words turned the emotionless face from the General into an old, lost and hurt man.

* * *

Spike was sitting with Jules family. He had just told them what happened. It took him a moment before he was able to say the words, to find the words, but they didn't need to hear it. Jules was safe, that was important and now they were aching for her lost and for their lost. But they were strong men and her father grabbed Spike's hand to thank him for telling them, for being Jules friend and for being Sam's friend. They shed tears, but they kept themselves together and with that Spike felt some of his strength come back, strength that was enough to get through today.

* * *

Ed was standing on the podium and there was a complete silence in the room. The music had stopped playing as per his request. Wordy was standing next to him as moral support and Donna, Shelly, Dean and Clark were standing near the doors, ready to give emotional support to guest who needed it. A lot of the guests were cops, but many friends and family members flew to Toronto for this event. Everyone was silent now and looking expectantly up to Ed. Most faces were still happy but some faces who had guessed something was wrong or had already heard the news where looking sad at him.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Ed Lane and I'm a colleague of Jules and Sam." He hesitated a second before saying Sam's name.

"There is no easy way to say this." He said and gave the crowed a moment to realise that they were going to receive bad news. It was always difficult to address a large crowd and to give the news properly.

"Today was a difficult day and we have lost one of our own. Unfortunately Sam didn't make it." He said and took the reaction of the crowd in. It took a few seconds before a cry started and was followed by another. People were turning to each other and whispering. Tears were falling down the faces from some and other were staring at their neighbours in shock and slowly realisation hit everyone what Ed just told them.

"Sam was one of my best friends, he was my family and I know this is a difficult time for everyone." He raised his voice a little bit to get the attention from everyone.

"But I would like you to know that you are not alone in this. Look around you and you see that he is loved by so many people." Ed told them, not able to talk about Sam in past tense.

"We are here for you too, feel welcome to come to me or my colleagues Wordy or Donna." He said while Wordy and Donna raised their hands to make their presence known. Shelly went to stand by Wordy and Clark and Dean were looking around to see if they saw someone who could use their help. Ed felt empty, cold and lonely, but looking at his son he also felt proud.

* * *

Jules was sitting on her bed. It was the first time she was home after her wedding day. She stayed with Ed and Sophie the last three days but she really wanted to be home tonight. Now she was home she couldn't remember why. Everything in this house reminded her of Sam or the wedding. She had grabbed a photo from them together and was holding it to her heart while she went over their last conversation. It wasn't much of a conversation but more a desperate plea. What should she have said differently? What could she have said to make him listen, to make him understand he had to get out? She knew what it was, she should have told him to think of the baby, their baby. But she hadn't and now he was dead. He was never going to be a husband to her, he was never going to experience having a wife and he would never meet his baby. The thought about Sam and their baby never meeting made her eyes prickle, and if she had tears left she would have cried. But there were no tears and instead her eyes hurt because they were so dry. Tomorrow was the funeral and she had to face reality, she had to say goodbye to an almost empty casket. There was not much left from him, so with the help from her team and his family they all collected memories to put with him. She had collected a photo from them together, their first photo, her engagement ring, a sonogram from their baby and their vows written on a piece of paper. Shelly gave her a beautiful box to put it in. The team had made a box to, as well his family did.

She wasn't sure yet if she was going to speak at the funeral. She wants to be that strong but she didn't feel strong now. If she wasn't going to be able to say the lines then Wordy promised to say them. She didn't know what to do without the support of everyone, but at the same time she felt they were suffocating her. Greg and Spike were sitting downstairs, not wanting to leave her alone. She was grateful but wished they would go home. And her father and brothers were hovering around he and that made her feel safe but weak. And then there is Sam's family. They never have been close, but she knows it's a nightmare for them to. They just lost their second child. She didn't saw Natalie though and for that she was glad. She looked too much like Sam.

* * *

The last weeks the weather had been beautiful. The sun was shining everyday and hardly any clouds at the sky. Temperatures were nice and the trees were green and the flowers were all colourful and smelling. But today it was different. When she woke up it was still dark and one look out of the window told her that the sky was grey and that it was raining. She didn't know what to think of it. A warm and sunny day was definitely not the right setting for this, but standing in the rain during the funeral was making it more depressing, if that was even possible.

She had thought for a long time what to wear. What was appropriate for a widow or what would Sam want her to wear. She had two things in mind, either she would wear her black suit in which she and Sam had first kissed or she would wear her blue dress with a crème white cardigan over it. The dress in which they had renewed their relationship. She thought she would know which one to wear on the day itself, but she still didn't know.

Sophie came to check on her, so she decided to ask her opinion.

"Hey Jules, how are you?" She asked concerned, but in a way that Jules didn't have to answer if she didn't want to.

"Which one should I wear?" She asked holding up the two completely different outfits.

"Sam loved them both and they are both special to me." She added.

"Then they are both perfect, Jules. It doesn't matter what other people think, the only thing that matters is what makes you feel comfortable and what seems right to you. And if you really can't pick between the two than consider the weather. It's grey and rainy right now, but it's warm and maybe the sun will break through later today." She told Jules before she left her alone to make her own decision. The blue dress it is, she thought to herself.

It was amazing and beautiful but Jules felt so overwhelmed. She knew that a lot of people were going to be there but she hadn't expected this. In the first row was she sitting with her family, Sam's family and the team, including Wordy. To her one site was Sam's mother sitting and to her other site was Spike. He was holding her hand and giving her support. At the same time she was giving support to him. The first few rows behind them were filled with the rest of their family and friends. All the rest of the members of the SRU were sitting behind them including Rollie and Raf. It meant a lot to her that they were here to, they were once part of the family to. But behind them, row after row was filled with police officers and people from the military. Hundreds of people were there to pay their respects to the man who gave his life to safe others. Some of them knew him but for most of them he was just a symbol, he was a hero. But to Jules he didn't felt like a hero. A hero would be sitting home with her, holding her hair while she was throwing up, be with her in the delivery room and help her raise their baby. But Sam wasn't going to be with her and help her with all those things. He took the easy way out of life. Right now her emotions were just on a balance between feeling sadness and lonely and angry and hurt. Angry at Sam for leaving her. He didn't need to die, but she also knew he wasn't the man to run away when things were difficult. She shoved her emotion to the side, today wasn't about her, today was paying respect to that one person she loved the most.

* * *

"There's a grief that can't be spoken." Greg said, standing on the podium in front of hundreds of people.

"And a lost that we can't face. I have to stand her as a Sergeant to express my feelings about a lost teammate. But Sam wasn't just my teammate, he wasn't just my friend, he is my family. A family member I chose, love and cared for deeply. He is a man that makes a difference in your life and so he did in mine. He would made you laugh when you need a laugh, he would sit with you when you needed a friend by your side, he would make you talk when you're upset and he would protect you when you needed protection. He was in my life for 5 years and let me tell you that 5 years wasn't not enough. But I count those 5 years as a blessing for knowing him and I will make sure he will not be forgotten in this world. Because Sam is the man you don't forget easily." Greg's eyes were filled with tears and there was a lump in his throat. He swallowed it away to finish his speech.

"I didn't get to choose him as my teammate, but I choose him to be my family." Greg said and there was a long lasting silence from all the people listening, listening to the words they recognized or wishing they had gotten the change to meet him.

* * *

Jules walked up the podium, just before the ceremony had started she decided to say her own speech because Sam loved it that she spoke her mind openly. So for him she would this one last time. The sky wasn't so grey anymore as it was this morning but it was still raining. She was glad for it because the light rain on her face was cooling her and was refreshing.

Looking at all the people in front of her she felt a bit stage fright and their pain and lost gave her an extra lump in her throat, but just as Greg had done it she swallowed it away and she closed her eyes to not have to look at the hurt faces in front of her. While she closed her eyes only one person came to her mind, and that was Sam.

"I'm not sure if I can express to you how much I will miss him. Sam was so much more to me than my husband. He has been my friend from the day we met and I know that we were supposed to be together. Only Sam can have a woman, who was pointing a gun at him, making her fall in love with him. He was arrogant and a bit cocky, but all for good reasons. Because he was just that good and if he wasn't good at something he would learn until he was. He wasn't arrogant to make himself look good, no he was showing to you what he was capable of to help people and to save lives. And he saved mine. Maybe not literally, but he gave a whole other meaning to my life. And he gave me a life." Jules said with her hand on her belly, no bump visible yet, but to everyone clear what she meant.

"We didn't got much time together, he was only my husband for 6 hours before his life was taken from me, but that time we had together will be passed on to our baby. Our baby will know it's father and I have to believe that from somewhere up there Sam will see his baby grow up." And while Jules said that, a beam of sunlight came through, shining upon Jules and their unborn baby and a beautiful strong and colourful rainbow appeared at the sky.

**A/N: I'm really curious what you thought of this chapter? Upcoming chapters aren't going to be this sad and we will focus more on Sam, starting with going back in time to their weddingday. I will update hopefully tomorrow, reviews are a great reminder :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: You guys are zo amazing! Thanks for the reviews and following/favouring this story! I'm really sorry that I made some of you cry though. I know the first two chapters were very sad, but that's going to change now. I won't hold you up any longer and enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

"_Julianna Callaghan, I vow to be true, always, to give you all myself, no secrets and till death parts us, and even after, cause I've been yours since the first day I saw you and made a fool of myself, cause I knew, right away I knew that it was you or no one, although you didn't know it yet and I had to be patient, I was right, I'm just saying."_

"_Samuel Braddock, I vow to always be yours… I try to think of words but there are so many, there are so many words, so I vow, to you this, *kiss and clapping*." _

* * *

Sam was sitting next to Leah in the car. They were working and Leah was driving, but there was only one thought on his mind, his wife. She looked so beautiful in her white dress and her vow was perfect. He couldn't wait to get off from work and celebrate with everyone that he married his beautiful sexy sniper chick. But he even more looked forward to the moment they were finally going to be alone. The moment he could rip the dress off of her body and make love for the first time as husband and wife. Making love was probably not the right term for what they were going to do tonight, between him and Jules it was always a bit more intense than simple love making, maybe because they were always fighting to be the dominant one and to be the one on top. He realised that the grin on his face gave him away.

"They really shouldn't have made you guys to work on you wedding day, you are no good to us." Leah said while laughing. They had just defused a bomb and were now looking for the subject. She was right, he really had to focus on this case, and lives could be at stake.

"Sorry, haven't found the switch yet. Maybe getting married and working a shift on one day is a bit to much." He said apologizing.

"Don't apologize. Today is your day. Plus you are buying me beer tonight so I can't be angry with you." Leah said while still laughing.

"Let's just hope that we will find the subject and that this case will soon be over." She added in a much more serious tone. Maybe it was because he was sitting on a cloud and to happy to see how serious things really were, but Leah looked really concerned about this case. He was going to focus more. If it wasn't for his own safety then it was for his team and his wife's safety.

But the subject wasn't home and neither was he at his office. However, Leah did found more locations of possible bombs, so he jumped back in the car with her while she dropped him off at the nearest location, which was also the first one on the subjects list. Uni's were already evacuating the building, but it was a large one and Sam realised it would take them a while to clear it. He ran up to the officer in command.

"Has anyone seen something suspicious?" Sam asked the man.

"No not yet, but the three top floors are closed for everyone, so I doubt the bomb is there and the same with the basement. Officer Wellens will walk with you, he knows the building well." The leading officer told Sam and pointed him at a colleague who ran over to them. Along with officer Wellens he ran into the building and run up the stairs. Their plan was to start at the top and walk downstairs while looking for the bomb. But before Sam and Wellens were at the third floor Wellens received information about a suspicious package at the fourth floor. They ran up another stair and found a box that matched the one from the Emergency Centre.

"Okay, I need everyone to clear this room. Focus on evacuation the building." Sam told the other officers.

"Team one status." Ed's voice came over the radio.

"Alpha team at the office building down town, bomb has been located." Sam gave his status.

"Charlie team at the post office. Bomb has been located, on my way there now." Leah confirmed her status.

"Delta team at the library, bomb is possibly at the roof." Spike informed his team.

"Team?" Greg's voice came through. "I know this is hard, we have been split up and we don't know what we are walking into, but today is like any day. We've walked through doors together, we are in each other's ears and we have got each other covered. And even though I'm not there with you, my hand is on your backs. Don't forget that." Greg told his team while everyone approached the bomb in his or her building.

"Okay timers." Spike said over the radio. "Mine's is a little over 35 minutes, Ed what do you got?" He asked.

"I've got 14 minutes." Ed replied.

"23 minutes." Leah informed them.

"Guys it looks like I got the short straw. 5 minutes and 30 seconds." Sam sighed, this was not how he pictured his wedding day. He was glad that Jules wasn't on the channel listening.

"5 minutes, what the hell am I doing here?" Spike spoke softly to himself.

"Okay Spike, just focus on Sam. Okay Spike, we are going to follow along, just focus on Sam." Ed told him.

"Yeah." Was the only and doubtful reply from Spike.

"Spike, what happened to Lew was a sacrifice he chose. That's the reason why you are still with us. That's not going to happen today, you know that, right?" Greg said trying to calm his bomb expert down. Sam knew this was bringing bad memories for everyone, but especially for Spike. But the boss was right, that's not going to happen today.

"Yeah I know that boss. Okay." Spike sounded a lot more secure.

"Okay Spike, what do we do?" Ed asked him.

"Okay, Sam, guys, take your meters and I want you to check the resistance, okay? And then I need you to take your tag knifes." Spike instructed them.

But Sam was hardly listening at this time. He had been focused only on the bomb and hadn't realised another presence in the room. Not until the cold ending of a gun touched the skin of his neck and a hand went over his mouth. He would have tried to make contact with his team if it wasn't for the sentence whispered in his left ear, words that almost paralyzed him.

" If you make one wrong sound or movement, your wife of six hours will die."

Sam was staring at the timer and seconds were passing while he kept motionless and silent. He was waiting for the man to speak, but he wasn't. He heard other movements behind him and he realised that he wasn't alone. Something was being dragged over to him but he couldn't see what it was. Then his hands were bound behind his back and the man showed him a picture on his phone. It was a picture of Jules leaving a house and Sam knew it was taken today. It must have been the subject's house.

"So I reckon that you will do as I say, or else…" The voice of the man behind him warned him.

Sam nodded and the hand on his mouth disappeared. Slowly he looked around him and he noticed three armed men and one dead body on the ground. One man came over and removed his vest and threw it on top of the dead body, as if he needed protection.

On the radio he heard Spike asking him for his status and Sam looked expectantly at the man who showed him the picture of Jules. He nodded towards Sam but also held his phone up to warn him to not give them away. Sam had no clue what they wanted from him or this situation but followed along, not wanting to risk Jules life or their baby's life.

"I'm working on it, Spike." Sam said through the radio. It was clear to him that he wasn't going to defuse the bomb with these men here. But they also didn't seem in a hurry to leave. A train of thoughts went through him. Was he going to die here? Were they? How about the people still in the building? Jules, was he never going to see Jules. Was he going to abandon her and their baby? Spike was still talking to him and he noticed that he was concerned. Time was running out.

"Sam, how far are you? Is the bomb ready to be defused? Otherwise you need to leave." Spike asked him. But Sam didn't know what to answer them, so he kept silence.

"Sam, answer him!" Ed's voice pierced through the radio.

"I'm working on it." He replied, more quietly this time. The man who took his vest came over and started to unbutton his shirt and took it off as well. Next where his boots, leaving him only in his t shirt with the word Police on the back and his pants.

"Sam, then you need to leave, time is running out." Spike said.

"I've got time." Sam answered back. He was following the man who took his clothing. He put the shirt on the dead man, followed by his vest and boots. And just when Sam was thinking to himself that he didn't got time, that his time was up, he realised what was happening. He just didn't know why.

Everything around him distracted him from the conversation on the radio. He knew his teammates were worried, but he wasn't hearing the exact words. Not until her words came through.

"Sam, what's going on?" He heard Jules ask. She was clearly worried and it hurt him that he couldn't give her reassurance.

"I've got time." He simply replied, while watching the three men preparing to leave.

"Sam, no you do not." Spike told him again.

"Sam, do you need to get out of there?" Jules asked him.

"It's working, I've got this." He replied to everyone on the radio, still all focussed on the three men.

"Sam!" Jules yelled a bit louder to him now.

"It's working, temperature is going down. It's minus 35 degrees." He replied, hopefully the lie would back them off. He would leave right now if he could, he just couldn't.

"SAM, you drop your tools right now and you get yourself out of there, RIGHT NOW!" Spike screamed through the radio. His voice sounded so scared.

"Come on." Sam whispered softly, if they would just accept it. The pain in their voices was killing him

"Sam, listen to him." Jules begged her husband. He almost always gave in when Jules begged him to do something, almost. But when her life was at risk he would do everything to safe her, everything.

"Minus 38 degrees." Sam informed them on the process. Another lie.

"Sam, you listen to him." Jules begged him again, her voice full of tears and angst.

"It's almost there." Sam told everyone. This was the truth. The bomb was almost ready to blow, the three men were almost ready to leave and Sam was almost ready to say silently goodbye to Jules. Almost.

"Sam, we will not loose each other today." The pain in Jules voice was really noticeable right now and the lump in Sam's throat made it impossible to answer.

"SAM, GET OUT, GET OUT! GO!" Spike continued screaming.

"Go, go, go." Leah whispered softly to herself.

"Sam! Get out of there now!" Jules screamed at him in desperation.

"Get out SAM!" Spike screamed ones more, but Sam hardly heard that. While he watched the last seconds ticking off, the radio was ripped out of his ear and with force the three men lifted him to his feet and run with him over to the window. The next thing Sam felt was the fresh air on his face and ground disappearing under his feet.

**A/N: So what do you think? I'm really curious so please leave me a review! **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Wow, the reviews have been so amazing and funny! I will call you my rollercoaster fans. "Did you kill Sam?, You did kill him! OMG he is alive!" haha, thanks a lot and also to all the others who have been reading this story so far. And to one of my guests, I'm glad you are talking to me again ;) and to Ealasaid Una, there where no dental records since the explosion destroyed almost everything, including the dead body and his teeth, also no DNA available but there was proof of a human being there and kevlar from his vest. This chapter will explain a lot about what is going on, but there is only Sam in this one. There will be more team moments in future chapters. Enjoy!**

* * *

Sam didn't know how much time had past. He vaguely remembered being thrown out of the window from the 4th floor. He had a robe around his waist but that didn't stop him from being smacked into the walls a couple of times. He didn't lose conscious right away though. He remembered the other men throwing him in the back of the van at the moment a big explosion went off. Again he knocked his head and he felt the heat from the explosion going over him. The last thing on his mind before he lost his conscious was that his team, most importantly his wife, would think he was still in there. Would they find out that it was the body of someone else? Would they come look for him? But there were no answers and blackness took over.

When he woke up he was in a small square room with a mattress against one wall and a bucket near the opposite wall. It was probably there for his needs. A tray with a piece of bread and a bottle of water was standing right next to the door. There were no windows in the room and only a small bulb of light hanging from the ceiling gave Sam some insight of the place he woke up in. Sam stood up to check the door. It seemed it was made of some heavy metal and it was locked from the outside and no handlebars in the inside. This door was clearly made to keep a prisoner inside. Sam sighed and sat down on the mattress. He tried to remember exactly what had happened and why he was here. He didn't thought he recognized the three men. They all had a Middle Eastern appearance but only one man spoke. His accent was clearly that of a Canadian. Did it have something to do with his background at JTF2 or was it all just a coincidence, he thought to himself. And was he the target all along? It seemed to be, they had it all planned out well and took a great deal of risk staying around the bomb that long. But he couldn't think about it any longer. His head was hurting and his whole body ached. He lay down on the mattress again and closed his eyes. He thought back about earlier that day or was it yesterday? The wedding ceremony was really amazing and Jules vow was perfect. But the best part was to tell everyone that they were expecting a baby. He found it very hard to keep it a secret until the wedding, but also knew that it was important for Jules. He thought about were Jules would be now, they should have been together and holding each other in their arms. Talking about who got drunk at the reception and who went home with whom. Lately Spike and Winnie started to be close and he and Jules had made a bet. Jules was sure that their wedding was going to be their break through, but Sam wasn't sure Spike had the guts yet. But there wasn't going to be a reception. Would there be a funeral in a few days? Surely they know that he would never hang around a bomb until the last seconds unless he was forced into it. But at the same time he remembered a boy named Trent. He wasn't leaving Trent alone with the bomb until the very last seconds. He still heard Jules voice in his ear. "_Sam, you did everything you could. You pull back now. Now Sam!"_ And wasn't it only over a month ago that he stood on the bridge with Sargent Grey. Again he went way to close and gave his team and Jules a big scare. Every time he got to close or risked his life it was to safe the lives of others. And the building today wasn't secured yet and there were still civilians inside. They were possibly hurt or even dead and everyone would think he stayed there to try and safe their lives. They would believe he was dead, because maybe that's what he would have done if those men hadn't shown up. With that thought and the hurt and strained voice of Jules begging him to get out, he fell in a restless sleep.

A bright light was in his face when he opened his eyes and it confused him. He heard someone talking to him but it was hard to follow what he said. For a moment he had forgotten where he was, but when two men pulled him from his mattress it all came back to him. He didn't have time to adjust his eyesight and was pulled out of the room into the hallway. After making a few turns they walked into a larger room with a higher sealing. At the end of the room was one chair and a few meters away from it was a table. Sam couldn't see what was on the table and he thought he didn't want to know it either. The two men holding Sam walked him over to the chair and made him sit down. Now he was finally able to see the faces of the men who were capturing him. Five men in total, but the three men from before weren't among them. That meant that there were at least 8 men involved. These men also had a Middle Eastern appearance and it was possible that they were from Afghanistan. So maybe it does have something to do with his military past. The two men who brought him over to the chair, left the room and closed the door behind them. One man, who was clearly in charge here, came closer and stood still in front of Sam while the two other men stayed a few meters behind him on his both sides.

"My name is Assad." The man in charge spoke. A thick Middle Eastern accent was notable in his voice.

"Your name is Samuel Braddock, husband of Julianna Braddock-Callaghan and father to be. You work for the Toronto Police Strategic Response Unit. You were in the military and part of the Joint Task Force 2. As a sniper you took the lives of many people, including the life of your best friend." He spoke to Sam as if it would be new information for Sam.

"I know who you are, I know why you are here and I know what to do. The only question is, are you going to make it easy on yourself or hard." Assad stated. He spoke in a slow pace to make sure every word was received. His tone was businesslike and cold.

One of the other men grabbed a chair from behind the table that Sam hadn't noticed and placed it right in front of Sam. Then he tied Sam's arms behind his back and to the seat so Sam wouldn't be able to get up. Assad sat down on the other chair.

"On your last tour in Afghanistan you were working on a special operation with the code name Silver Wing." Assad said and kept his eyes on Sam to see his reaction.

Alarm bells started to ring when Sam heard that name. He was part of that operation and only a dozen people knew about Silver Wing. The fact that Assad new the code name was really bad. But he needed to keep calm and show no signs of recognition or fear. He may be out of military for years now, but he remembered very well what he learned about interrogation. First of all he needed to accept he was in this situation, only then he could remain calm. Secondly, be the 'grey' man. By appearing calm, placid and submissive at all times and overplay your injuries. Then, be prepared for psychological torture, which Sam was sure was following next. Then be prepared for physical torture, look at the instruments so you will know what to expect. Stay strong. No matter what they will do to you, you will have to protect the lives of others. And finally, always plan to escape. Think of all opportunities that can occur. This will keep your mind busy and if the opportunity pretends itself, you will know what to do. It sounded so simple.

"From your silence I'm going to assume you know what I'm talking off." Assad continued.

"During the sixth week of this operation a group of six afghan men were taken down by the hands of one sniper. Is that accurate?" Assad looked for Sam's reaction, but Sam played his part well in keeping a neutral and placid composure.

"These six men were carrying a file with them and after their death, this file was taken by the sniper. The sniper had read the file and passed it on to the man highest in rank of the Silver Wing operation." Assad paused again to find recognition in Sam, but again he didn't find anything. It didn't matter and no reaction was also a confirmation. Innocent people would show fear and wouldn't understand it.

"Now the important part comes. I want that file, or at least the information that's in that file. But after years of research I still haven't found out whom this person is who got the file. But I have good resources and I do know who this sniper is. You." Assad explained.

"So as I said before, it is all up to you, will you make it easy or hard on yourself?" Assad questioned him again.

Sam knew exactly what he was talking about. He had read the file and he did turn it over to the man in charge. He could easily tell Assad what the file said or the name of the person in charge, he wouldn't survive off course, but he wouldn't be tortured either. But if Assad thought he would give this information up he really didn't knew him at all. Giving the information he wanted would give this man and the group he belonged to a powerful weapon, one that could take the lives of thousands of soldiers and innocent people.

"You are not going to give it to me, are you?" Assad asked him.

"That's okay, I kind off like the hard way." He said and smiled at him. He really seemed to be happy about Sam not playing along.

"Hakim, untie our friend and place him a meter away from the wall with his face towards the wall." Assad asked Hakim, the man who had tied Sam up before.

Sam knew what was coming. It wasn't comfortable, but he knew he could withstand it for a long time. Stress positions were one of the things he learned to cope with during training. They would make him spread his legs and lean forward with his hands above his head on the wall. With the effect of feeling pins and needles in your hands until it started to swell and making it very painful. The first time when he had done it on training he didn't last for an hour, but at the end of his military time he could hold it almost 6 hours. The problem however is, that training is training, not reality. He knew as soon as he would twist or move, his captures would kick and punch him and bring him right back in the same position. It isn't the stress position you are going to fear, but the punishment.

And as predicted Hakim brought Sam in the position against the wall and within minutes he started to feel pins and needles in his arms. He tried to shake of the uneasy feeling that was still in his body after the collision with the wall and the van and started to focus on something else. The last step in the survive interrogation process. Always try to escape. He didn't saw any windows and he couldn't hear any other noise then the people inside the room. Which really limited his chances of survival. No easy way out and no way to reach someone at the outside. He thought about the hallway, but he didn't saw much, the flashlight in his eyes blinded him. Next time he should try to see more. His hands started to ache more and his back started to itch. He tried to keep his focus on escaping but it was getting difficult. He wished he had drunk the water in his room, it had been too long since the last time he drank. After this was over he needed to overplay his injuries, they didn't want him to die to soon so he would hopefully receive more water and food. He was going to need it. To keep his mind clear from fear and angst, he started to think about Jules. Their happy moments together, her touch, kissing her, and so much more. But it didn't work long, he wasn't going to hold up for six hours like during his last training. That was understandable, because he hadn't trained on things like this for over 5 years. How long was he already standing here? 2 hours, or 3? Most likely not that long, but his hands were swelling and all he wanted to do was shift his position. Maybe he should count to one hundred, and when he was there he could decide what to do. He did that 8 times before he couldn't hold any longer and moved his position. His hands moved a bit downwards and he tried to stretch his legs without much movement, but the man behind him had seen it and he received a painful kick between his ribs. He didn't know who kicked him as he was still faced to the wall, but on his knees now. For a moment that relieved him, until another kick, harder this time hit him between his ribs and left him gasping for air. By the time sense got back to him he was back in position and the pain in his arms along with the pain in his ribs continued. It didn't last as long this time, only a small twitch in his right arm but it was enough for the kicking man. The kick was from a different angle this time and hit him in the back. Sam fell painfully forward while another kick hit him in the chest. Within seconds of his movement he was back up against the wall again. It continued for another few hours until it wasn't possible for him to stand on his feet any longer. After lying on the floor for a minute, he was lifted up and brought over to his chair. Hakim didn't tie him up this time, because it was clear that Sam wasn't much of a threat right now. Somewhere along the torture Sam forgot to overplay his injury. He should have collapsed sooner, but it wasn't in his nature to overplay injuries, or even give in on injuries.

"Sam, my friend, have drink." Assad talked to him as if he was a friend and the psychological torture was about to start. He handed Sam a bottle of water. The lid was already off, which was a good thing. He hardly had the strength to hold the bottle.

"I know your kind of people, Sam. I know it will take more to make you crack, but don't worry we have got more. But let's have small talk first. How was your wedding?" Assad asked Sam. This was not a topic Sam wanted Assad to talk about.

"You're a man of silence, Sam. Why won't you talk to me?" Assad asked pouting, as if he was sad about it.

"Your wife, Jules I believe you call her, she means a lot to you, doesn't she?" He kept asking. Sam knew he was failing the psychological test right now, but the thought of them having an interest in Jules was the worst torture possible.

"Sam, as one friend to another I want to give you some advises." Assad continued.

"I'm not in charge of this operation, I am simply a pawn in this play. So if I don't get you to talk to me, someone else will try something. And this person doesn't care about you like I do." Assad said, very fake.

"He will think he can make you talk by hurting someone else, like maybe your wife and unborn baby." Assad said very innocently.

Sam jumped up with all the strength he got and jumped forward to attack Assad. It didn't work and a second later he was on the floor, pinned down by two men and face down. He maybe past the physical torture test, but he failed everything else: the psychological torture, staying calm, placid and submissive. But it wasn't about him right now. Now it was about Jules.

* * *

**A/N: In future chapters there will be more information on this "file and weapon", if you have other questions from this and previous chapters let me know and I will put an answer in the story. So I like to know what I'm writing about so I tried the stress position myself. 1 minute and I gave up, just to put out the difference between me and Sam, haha. Almost right away I felt the pins and needles and the stress on my joints. But then again, I went christmas shopping today and my arms literally fell off, so I think Sam and I are even :) Anyway, please let me know what you think of the direction of this story and this chapter, it's appreciated! Next update will be on saturday.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm sorry for the one day delay! Christmas stress was getting the better of me. But here is chapter 5 and chapter 6 has been written as well. Thanks again for all your support! It's so amazing to see new followers and favourites and to read all your reviews. As in answer to some of you: It's okay to wish Jules in some trouble too, as long as you won't ask me to kill her! I love Jules, but don't we all. And about the torture, I used google on the techniques and my own comman sense and inspiration on how Sam would react. I'm no expert in either giving or receiving torture. Just so you won't worry ;)Enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

He couldn't believe how stupid he had been. He shouldn't have let them know how much he loved Jules and how easy it would be for them to get what they wanted by hurting her. But he couldn't give in, could he? How would saving Jules life justify the death of thousands of others? But how could he not? How could he not save his wife! And why weren't they talking to him! It had been days, maybe 2 or 3 and no one came to ask him what was in the file or threaten to hurt Jules. Were they already after her? Did they already have her? He paced through his small cell and nothing could calm him down. His hands were covered in dried up blood. The injury wasn't caused by his captures, but by himself. After he had lost his control during the first interrogation they had brought him back to his cell and no one came to talk to him. Only a couple of times someone came to bring him some food and water. It was just enough to survive, but not enough to keep him strong. It was something he was also trained on and with the worries about Jules safety he didn't care much about it. But he should know better, if he ever wanted to get out of here he needed his strength and he needed to stay calm. He wanted to scream at them but knew it would only make things worse. He was waiting for them, but they didn't come and finally he lost the last bit of control inside him and started punching the wall. Flesh against cement. Cement won.

By the time two men came to take him back to the interrogation room, Sam was almost delirious. He wanted to scream, kick and cry but he couldn't. He knew no matter what they would say or do, he had to stay silent. He chose to be in the army, to join Special Forces and accepted the risk that brought upon them. People trusted him and lives of innocent people would always be in his hands. The fact that his silence made Jules life at risk was almost unbearable. The only thing he was holding on to was that it was clear they didn't want to attract any attention. They could have kidnapped him in a much easier way, but they wanted everyone to think he was dead. No investigation and no questions that would lead the police to them. The death or disappearance of Jules would raise questions and an investigation would start. He just had to believe they were bluffing and trying to get their focus back on him and away from Jules.

Assad was already in the room when Sam arrived. He was seated in the same chair and bound again. His mind was maybe full of doubt and going crazy, but his face had a neutral expression and his lips stayed closed.

"Sam, welcome back." Assad greeted him with a smile.

"I'm sorry you had to wait this long, but I had a funeral to attend. A friend of mine died in an explosion, very sad. He just got married and was going to be a father in six months. Lovely wife though, I had a nice chat with here." Assad told him and he had a creepy smile on his face. Deep inside him Sam felt rage starting to grow, but his sniper breathing kept him calm and cool.

"I thought you might wanted to see a picture of her?" Assad asked him. Sam didn't know where he was going to and for a second he was scared to see a picture of Jules being death or captured. But before he could think much about it a picture of Jules was shown on the wall. A beamer reflected it on the wall opposite of Sam and the picture was almost the size of the entire wall. It was the same picture the three men in the office building had shown him. It was just Jules doing her work.

"Isn't she pretty?" Assad asked him and looked in admiration to the picture. Sam felt the need to count to ten before he led out his breath.

"I will show you some more picture of her." Assad continued and Sam held his breath again while the next picture appeared on the wall. This time Jules was in her car, her face was pale and she had a terrified look on her face that Sam had never seen on her. The next picture appeared and Jules was still in the car but he couldn't see her face. It looked like she was sobbing. Next picture, Jules was outside the car, on her knees and her face in her hands. The boss was standing next to her, pale and scared, not knowing what to do. Pictures kept following one after the other. Spike with a pain stricken face, Ed with a face as hard as stone, his father as an old and broken man. Then there was Jules again. She was wearing the dress he loved so much. Her face was still pale and she had bags under her eyes. It looked like she had lost weight to. The next pictures showed him that this was a funeral, his funeral. And suddenly he was hit by the emotion of so many people crying for him, so many people who cared. Not just his wife, his team, his mother and sister, but also his father and other relatives, friends and previous teammates from the military and many, many people he didn't know. There they were, sitting side by side to find comfort by each other. He never had realised he made such an impact on people. Even on Jules, it sounded weird, but he always thought Jules would be able to live without him. That it was him who couldn't live without her. But all these pictures told him that she was lost. In some way it made him happy, but in a bigger way it made him unbelievably sad. If he could only hold her one more time, he thought.

He won this round he just knows it. They played bluff on bringing Jules into this. They couldn't afford to attract any attention, but they had expected Sam to give in. He didn't, but that just gave him the feeling that he had betrayed Jules. Now they continued their work on torture. The pictures were meant to weaken his mind and it definitely had an effect on him, but it also gave him some strength. All those people on his funeral were there because they thought he was a good man, so he would be a good man and keep silent. Assad started to get frustrated and disappeared from the room. When he returned he brought a large duffle bag with him. Be prepared for physical torture, Sam thought to himself. Look at the instruments. Assad put the bag down, next to his chair and took his seat again.

"Sam, you may think you can withstand all of this, but let me tell you that I have never failed. Everyone will talk in the end, even the strongest ones. Because at some point you will loose your mind, your personality will change and the lives of others are suddenly not important any more. The only important thing is rest." Assad told him calmly. Sam knew he was right, the human mind was easily tricked or changed, so there were two options for him: Escape before he would crack, or die before he would crack.

"Hakim, please untie Sam and remove his shirt." Assad asked Hakim. Hakim did as he was told and after that Assad pulled an Ipod out of his bag and put the earphone in Sam's ears. Assad pressed play and some kids TV show theme song came through. Assad put the Ipod in Sam's pocket and started to blindfold him. His hands were put behind his head and tied together. They moved him a few meters over and Sam thought he was facing the wall now. Nothing happened, he kept standing there with his arms getting tired and this same song over and over in his ears. The song was pretty loud and Sam couldn't hear anything else. He was waiting in anticipation for what would happen next.

* * *

Spike was looking out of the window. He was supposed to meet the team at HQ in 15 minutes, but he kept standing motionless. Well, team was maybe the wrong word, he thought to himself. Jules wasn't going to be there and… No he shouldn't go down that path. Jules was getting some extra time off, but they were supposed to get back to work next week. The boss wanted them to meet a couple of times a week to talk. Talk about what had happened, about Sam and about work in general. But he just wasn't ready for it, not again. Bombs were his specialty and he was team one's bomb expert, but again he lost a friend because he wasn't there to protect him. His teammates would notice that he was struggling with this, no doubt about that. They would tell him that it wasn't his fault and that there was nothing he could do, but he wasn't ready for that. The same happened when Lew died and nothing that his team told him worked. Because it wasn't true, they only didn't know that, because they didn't experience it. Sam knew, though. After Lew died he was the only one who didn't joined those conversations. About three months later, when things started to get back to normal even though it didn't feel like it, Sam talked to him. It wasn't a forced conversation, just one that started on it's own. Sam told him that what he was feeling was okay. That he was supposed to feel guilty and responsible. It was his job to deal with the bombs and keep the team safe from them, just as it was Sam's job to keep his team safe in Afghanistan. They both failed at that point and it cost the life of their best friend. There were only two important things now, Sam told him. They maybe were responsible for protecting their friends' life, but they weren't responsible for their deaths. They weren't the one who made a mistake. And secondly, there was acceptance. Accepting what had happened so they could go on and live their lives. If there was one thing he was sure of, then it was that they wanted them to live their lives the fullest. After Sam was done talking to him he was surprised. Sam was never the man of many words when it regards his feelings. But he had openly told him what he had felt back then, when he shot Matt and what he was still feeling. Things changed after that. He accepted his guilty feelings and that slowly helped him accepting Lew's death. It also had brought him and Sam closer. No one was filling footsteps of lost friends, but there was an understanding between them. They even made that day into remembering lost friends day. Every year they went for a drink and toasted on their lost friends. The night mostly ended in both of them being wasted and not many words were said, but it was a comfortable silence. He never told anyone about this and doubted that Sam had, it was something only they could understand.

The phone started to ring and he saw Greg's name appear on the screen. He really should answer it, knowing his team they would be on his doorsteps within 30 minutes. But he wasn't ready for it. He hadn't accepted it yet.

* * *

Greg put the phone down and sighed. He knew Spike didn't want to talk yet and he wanted to give him the time he needed. He just wished there was something he could do for him. Right now he only could give him some more time. He also knew Spike very well and knew that after a while he would get himself back together and slowly he would continue living again. That's what happened after Lew and that would happen again. Ed and Leah were doing well, considering what happened. Ed closed himself off a bit more than usual, but with the help of Sophie he would get through this. Leah was a bit more difficult to read, but she also seems to cope with it in a normal way. That left him with Jules and himself. He wasn't sure about either of them. Jules got the whole month off and there would be an evaluation before she would have to go back to work again. If she wanted she could take more time. But he was supposed to get back to work next week. Team 3 was already recruiting a new member for them and Donna would be there to help team one out in the beginning, so in a week time team one would be keeping the peace again. He leaned backwards in his chair and looked up at his two teammates at the table and sighed again. How was he going to tell them that he couldn't be a sergeant anymore? How could he let them down again?

* * *

Sam was lying on his mattress. He was exhausted, but sleep was still far away. The exhaustion was from days of worry and from this day's events. The pictures had worn him out, he kept seeing Jules pale, hurt and lost face. And then the torture had started. He didn't want to think about it, but he had to. Again, acceptance was important. It kept your mind a bit stable. He was sore, but he would live. It was his brain and mental awareness he was worried about. They were good in building up fear and pull tricks on your sensory. He didn't know how long it had lasted, but taking in the drinks and food he had taken and how often he had to use the bucket, he guessed it was up to 10-12 hours. All that time he couldn't see anything and one kids song was played over and over. He had counted and the song lasted for 1 minute and 12 seconds. Making a quick calculation told him that he must have heard that song about 600 times without a break. No wonder he was still hearing it. If he'd had something sharp he would have stuck it into his ears to damage his hearing. The song wasn't the only thing though. The waiting for the torture was driving him equally insane. Sometimes he felt a sharp cold metal scraping over his back and he waited for the instrument to pierce his body, but it disappeared. By the time he had thought they weren't going to do anything a whip, cane or belt smacked on his back. He tried to stay silent but the unexpected lash made him yelp. Then for a long time there wasn't anything., until it started again. They also put a heating right next to him and soon he felt feverish. When he was boiling hot they would throw a large bucket full of ice water over him, bringing him in near shock. The interrogation had only stopped because he collapsed on the ground. It was fake though, he was working on overplaying his injuries, but he managed to fool them so well that it made him wondered if maybe it wasn't fake. Slowly his sensory started to calm a bit down and sleep started to take over. With Jules face in his mind and the song still playing in his head he finally fell asleep.

Sam was gasping for air, he had no idea where he was and what was going on. He was shaking and a big light made it impossible to see anything. He didn't know why he was gasping for air, until he realised he was dripping wet and ice cold. Slowly things started to come back to him and noticed he was in his cell with someone shining a flashlight in his eyes. He was wet because someone threw yet again ice water over him. He was pulled from his mattress and they dragged him through the hallways. The song was there again, but Sam couldn't tell whether it was real or in his head. The next round was up.

**A/N: Didn't you think Spike's thougts were beautiful? And what do you think about Sam's mental process? I was just brainstorming on what it must feel like for Sam, but also what will the thoughts of the rest be, if they found out Sam didn't die at the explosion? Happy off course, but what emotions will there be after that? They buried him, grieved for him and maybe even went on with their lives! So if you have any thoughts about it, please let me know, the sooner I can have more chapters for you! Till next time! (there will be interesting developments in next chapter!)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: For everyone who celebrates Christmas or another holiday, Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday to you! I have a christmas present for you guys! A new chapter. But I'm going to warn you, there is a cliffhanger and I'm not going to update for at least a few days. Unless I have some sleepless nights. I hope not, but it's okay if you are hoping for it :) Again I want to thank you for all the support! Your reviews and PM's have been a great help to me. Enjoy your gift from me to you!**

* * *

Ed was driving the car around the corner and glanced over at Spike. He looked a bit better but was still pale. Tomorrow they would start working again and Ed worried if Spike was up to it. He actually was worried if the boss was up to it as well. A couple of nights ago Greg confessed to him that he weren't sure he could be a sergeant again. He didn't think he was the right person to hold the responsibilities of his team members' life any longer. They had a long talk about it and he told Greg over and over that he was the best sergeant out there and that the team needed him. At the end Greg gave in, but Ed wasn't sure for how long. Honestly, he could understand him. He had questioned his team leadership the last few weeks to. What a teamleader was he, if his own team member didn't listen to him the moment it should have saved his life? He glanced over at Spike one more time and was glad they were just patrolling the first week.

Ed parked the car in front of Jules house and he, Spike and Sophie got out of the car. Sophie walked around the car to take Izzy out of her car seat. Everyone was going to be here this afternoon, including Wordy and Shelly with the girls and Donna and her husband. Donna had been a great help the last weeks and he was glad she was joining them for a few weeks on team one.

They walked around the house and saw almost everyone was already there. Upon greeting Jules he hardly noticed any emotion on her face. Sophie noticed it too and shoved Izzy in Jules arms. At least the cute blond toddler was putting a faint smile on her lips.

"Hey Jules." Ed said to Jules, who was sitting with Spike apart from the rest. They had been there for a few hours now, but he hadn't had the chance to talk to Jules without everyone around them.

"I'm worried about you." He continued, not knowing what else he should have said.

"I just wish you wouldn't seclude yourself from the people around you. The same for you Spike." Ed softly said while he stared down at his hands. When he looked up he saw Jules eyes were glistering and Spike turned his face away.

"It's okay to feel sad, your husband died. Just talk to us Jules." Ed continued, Jules always had difficulties to show her emotions. Jules took a deep breath before she started to talk.

"I'm not sad, I'm angry. And Sam doesn't feel dead to me, it feels like he is still out there." Jules said. Spike looked up at him and then her.

"I know what you mean." Spike said. "He is still out there and we need to find him."

Ed looked at both of them in confusion at first, but then he realised what they just said and he started to feel it to.

"He is still out there, isn't he?" He asked in half a question and half a statement. Jules nodded.

"At the funeral we buried an empty casket filled with only our memories, we are talking about him in the past tense and we are burning candles and have his picture as a memory. But that doesn't proof he is dead, it just feels like we are trying to trick our brains that he is dead." Spike spoke.

Ed leaned back in his chair to think about it for a moment. Think about what they were saying and what to do next.

"What do you say if we will meet again tomorrow after our shift?" Ed asked Jules.

"Maybe we can go over to ground zero and see what damage have been done. We have been told that he is not alive, that they found the remaining of an unidentified human and Kevlar from a bulletproof vest. Let's go over there so our own mind can see what has happened. We can go over there to pay him our respect. You can tell him there what you think Jules, and maybe after that you don't feel so angry anymore and you can start to fully grief for his death. Maybe we can all start doing so." Ed told Jules and Spike, but also himself. Both Spike and Jules nodded their agreement.

* * *

Another shock made him open his eyes. He wanted to scream out, but tape on his mouth made that impossible. He saw Assad's lips move, but he couldn't hear a thing. At this point nothing made sense to him. He felt like floating or drowning, he heard music but wasn't sure if it was music and there was a pain in his body that felt like it belonged to someone else. There was only one thing he was sure of and that was that he was exhausted. But every time he closed his eyes or started to nod he was roughly woken up by an electric shock or by ice water or by a beating. He just couldn't think anymore. Assad's words slowly started to make sense. A file, he said? That's right, there was a file. Sam thought to himself. They wanted to know about that file. Why didn't he just tell them, he thought. But there was something deep down him trying to put a restraint on that thought. Trying to prevent him from talking. It wasn't necessary though, because he probably wasn't able to talk anyway. He simply wouldn't remember how too. How long was he here now? A few days, weeks or months? And all that time he hadn't spoken a word. What were his last words? 'I've got time' or 'It's almost there', something like that. An electric shock hit him again and his eyes went wide open. Suddenly he saw something. For the first time since he was here he had some hope. The small light on the ceiling reflected on Hakim's belt and there was something on his belt that Sam hadn't seen before. It was a gun. If he could only reach up there for one moment, he didn't need long, just a moment and he could take that gun. He only needed one bullet to save him. One bullet in his own head and he would get rest. He already had a funeral so his death would fit right in. But there was no way he could reach for that gun. His hands were tight to his back and his muscles were completely stiff and spastic. He needed rest, only then he would be able to regain some powers. They had shocked him three times in a row now every time he fell asleep, that meant that ice water was next. They had tried to not follow a pattern, but that is really difficult. Before you know it you fall right back into a pattern. And their pattern told him that there would be ice water once, then a beating with either their hands, feet or a belt twice, before they returned back to electric shocks three times. If he would pretend to pass out, not just eyes closing but turning complete limp and prepare him for the ice water; he might be able to foul them. They were probably going to kick him a few times to check, maybe even electric shocks, but if he was prepared for them he maybe could ignore them. For a moment he was surprised that his mind had been able to come up with this plan in his current condition. The need to escape must be really big right now, even if this escape plan meant his death. He let his eyes roll back, closed his eyes and fell completely limb.

* * *

It was weird to be back at HQ again. They had been here multiple times since the explosion, but today was the first time she was wearing a uniform again. And it was really quiet in the locker room. With Jules she was always talking about all things happening in their lives, but Donna she hardly knew. She liked her nevertheless, but it was still different.

They both stepped out of the locker room and hit the gym. The guys were already there, but no one was doing their workout as usual. Today was going to be an easy day. Team 2 was on shift and team 3 was on standby. They only had to patrol today, look into older cases, practise and train a bit. After today they all had to meet Dr. Luria again for an update on their evaluation. Commander Holleran wanted to be sure that everyone was doing well. She didn't mind those therapy sessions with Dr. Luria. She didn't always feel like talking, but when needed she could bring her feelings up and Dr. Luria was a person she felt comfortable with. With the team it was a bit different though. She knew them well, but still always felt like they were family and she was the good family friend. Maybe that's why she went to stand to the only person out of place here, Adam Warner. She knew how he was feeling, as she was the replacement for Lewis. She never had the chance to get to know him or meet him, which was difficult considering he was all the team either thought or talked about in the beginning. And the team really didn't want you to replace their lost mate. It wasn't personal, she always had known that, but nevertheless it was difficult. She had made some mistakes in the beginning, but at the end she did well she thought. They accepted her. Adam was doing pretty well to, the times they met him he never tried to take Sam's place. He was just waiting for the team to step up to him and talk to him and he made a nice small talk back to them. Friendly but not overwhelming. Not liking the idea very much, she instantly liked Sam's replacement.

* * *

Sam woke up yet again confused. His plan didn't work. He remembered faking his unconsciousness and the ice water that followed, but also the kicking that had started from one or two of the men. They must have kicked him pretty hard because that's all he remembered. Where was he now? In his cell again? He wanted to push himself up but he couldn't. His hands were tied up, or not? He didn't really feel his hands, let alone the rope around it. He also wasn't sure if it was just really dark or if he was blinded. And the music was there again, really loud. Did he have the iPod in again? He wasn't sure of anything and it was really freaking him out. He let out a loud scream and heard the echo in his room. He was in his cell and the wall around him made him feel claustrophobic at once. His one scream turned into a full on screaming and while still lying on the mattress he started to kick the walls, the mattress and the air around him uncontrollably. After his rant was over he was lying completely still on the mattress breathing heavily. What was his life once? He had to think really hard to see things from his past life. Slowly Jules came to his mind and he gave out a small laugh. Yes she was there and she made him happy. Tears came down his face, wetting the mattress around his head. He missed her so much.

Sam woke up sitting on a chair in the middle of the interrogation room. He wasn't sure if he had been dreaming about his time in the cell, but his raw throat told him it was real. Assad was looking at him and Sam took his time to put things back in order in his mind. He wasn't blindfolded, he wasn't tied up, no music even though it was still there in the back of his mind and he felt a teeny bit rested. Also the look on his captures faces told him that he hadn't cracked yet. His previous plan came back to him and he pushed a small laugh that was coming to his lips away. Hakim was still wearing the gun at his belt. It was bit hidden under the jacket he was wearing, but it was still there and Sam wasn't tied up. He had to time it well.

"You look a bit better then a few hours ago, Sam." Assad started to talk to him.

"Off course not compared to how you looked like when we brought you in." He added.

"You have been here for two weeks now, if you wanted to know. And I just received the news that I got a permanent visa to stay in Canada. Isn't that great Sam?" Assad cheered.

"This means that we have all the time in the world to hang around together. Two weeks of fun is just to short, don't you think?" Assad asked him.

"Me and my men, we have been busy the last weeks. I've been playing the good host and someone is helping me to keep an eye on your wife. That's a good thing, because your team is back to work and you poor wifey is alone, a lot." He said in a threatening way. Sam knew that they didn't want to pull Jules into this, but they were also starting to get desperate. They could keep torturing him, but if he died or went insane in a way that he had no clue who Sam Braddock was, then the information was lost on them forever. They had to start getting creative and Jules being alone a lot didn't sound good to him. He had to carry out his plan quickly.

"He is with her now, actually." Assad continued.

"And she is not talking very nicely about you. Only married for two weeks and already trouble in paradise. You want to hear what she has to say?" Assad asked him. Sam wasn't sure what he was talking about.

"Yes, let's join in on her conversation!" Assad cheered again and turned on a device that brought over Jules voice. It really was her voice, he thought. And she really was pissed, at him!

* * *

"I can't believe how many flowers there are." Leah said quietly. They were all standing at a fence, keeping them at distance between the debris and the spectators. There were a lot of flowers at the bottom of the fence and a bit further away were two women crying and at their other side was a man silently praying. 17 people had died that day. 16 of them couldn't be prevented after the bombs were found, but number 17 could have, Jules thought. He had no business staying there and the anger started to well up again. Maybe Ed was right and she had to voice that anger. Since his grave wasn't really holding his body, this might be the perfect place. But she didn't know how to express her anger so she started to kick the fence ones. Not with much force, but hard enough that her friends noticed. Silently they stepped back a step to give her the space she so needed.

"Why did you do it?" She asked softly.

"Were you that stupid, Sam!" She continued, a lot louder this time.

"I should have known this. We all should have known how stupid you are. The first time we met, you actually talked about your gun before reaching down in your jacket. You didn't even freak out about all the guns pointed at you, did you? You just looked arrogant at us and felt invincible. No bullet was ever going to hurt you, right? And the same with bombs and grenades, jumping on a grenade like it is all just a game. Yes, they told me how stupid you were! I get it that you wanted to save lives, we all do, but didn't you ever thought about your own life! Didn't you want to save your own life for a change? Even if you couldn't think about yourself, what about me?" Jules now screamed and tears were coming down.

"Wasn't there one moment when the seconds were ticking away that you thought about me and our baby? You said you wanted this baby so much, but how can I believe you if you didn't even try to be around for us. I love you so much Sam, how could you think I could live on without you?" The screaming went over in a heartbreaking sob and she felt to her knees, her hands still gripping the fence.

"Why didn't you listen to me? Why Sam? We had so much to look forward to and our lives had turned so good. I know you have been hurt so much in the past, lost so many, but we were happy, I thought? Weren't you happy? Did I miss something? Oh Sammy, oh Sammy." Jules whispered, not able to say those last words out loud and she could only sob right now. She felt hands on her shoulders and then hands on her back and head. Everyone was standing behind her and letting her know she would never be alone.

* * *

Tears were in his eyes and streaming down his face when he heard Jules words and her tears. He could almost see her when she was talking. He looked at Assad, Hakim and their silent partner; listening to Jules words distracted them all. This was his moment, he thought. If he wasn't sure about it before than he was now after hearing Jules words. Hakim just shifted his position, which made it for Sam even easier to reach out and grab his gun. He was already on sniper breathing before he jumped up and grabbed with one hand Hakim's neck and with the other the gun. It took him only half a second to bring the gun up and pull the trigger. It all went so fast. At the same time Sam grabbed the gun and pulled the trigger, Assad gave out an order to the man at ground zero to take Jules hostage.

* * *

Greg drove her home but she didn't want him to follow her inside the house. She had been with company too many times since the explosion and tonight she wanted to be alone with her thoughts. It was already dark when Greg stopped in front of her house and she quickly said her goodbyes and promised him she would call if she needed anything.

She stepped out the car and walked straight up to the house. It was getting cold outside. When she was inside she walked straight to the kitchen without turning on the lights. She didn't want to see her reflection in the living room mirror. Without looking into it she could tell that she was a mess. In the kitchen she grabbed a glass out of a cabinet and turned the tap open to fill the glass. She had been so focussed on holding herself together that she didn't felt the presence of someone else behind her. Not until one arm grabbed her from behind and another covered her mouth so she couldn't scream.

**A/N: And, what do you think? Please be reminded that reviews are like christmas presents to me :) So spoil me, haha. **


End file.
